What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
