I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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