mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize