I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
