addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
