woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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