3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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