My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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