It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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