...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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