Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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