bring money and cleavage
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
