his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
