do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize