Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
