porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
