I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
