is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
