Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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