The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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