Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
