i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
