I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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