only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
