I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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