y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My penis needs a shock collar
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
