I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
