i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
