I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
