"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
