I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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