I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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