Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
