I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
