I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
