if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
