just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
