He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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