Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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