did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize