I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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