i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
