I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
