Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
