im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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