I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
