I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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