Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize