I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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