First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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