is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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