right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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