All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
