Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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