He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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