He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
