When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
