To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
