Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize