We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
