Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize