Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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