if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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